Ray’s Blog

Top left, that’s where they inject the poison
The rest of it is all for an on the spot EKG
And you can also see my sexy scar and my nipples

Yesterday, at 2:30 am, miraculously, I completed my first chemo treatment. It took a four-day, three-night stay under constant observation at the hospital to do it, but I did it. And not only that but I completed the appropriate, standard treatment. We did not have to deviate from the master plan. There are a few differences now though, the main one being additional medications to dilate my blood vessels which are controlling, but not eliminating, my vasospasms. This is the trade-off. In order to get through the treatment, I have to endure additional pain. The hope is subsequent treatments will be better than this time, but we may not be able to eliminate the vasospasms completely. more…

So the plan is in place. Chemotherapy with no change except the venue - the hospital. The only difference is that I am now on a beta blocker which could prevent the vasospasm or it might do nothing at all. Basically, they want to induce the same reaction I had last week but this time they will be recording it as it happens and I will have a bunch of nitroglycerin tablets to suck on so I don’t drop dead on the spot from a heart attack. So I will be hospitalized for the duration of the chemo treatment or two whole days which is what I was hoping for. They theorize I may have vasculitis, and if it is, it’s caused by the 5-FU.

There’s still a lot to talk about. It’s all really up in the air at this point. I could have a reaction or could not. If I have one, it could be better, the same, or worse than what I had last week. They’ll stop the chemo if I have a reaction but then what? It depends on the data they see. There is still a decision to be made here about weighing the risks now versus later. I’m seeing my primary tomorrow to talk about the plan and I will be speaking with a cardiologist before Tuesday to try and get as many minds on this as I can. The goal is to get chemotherapy without dying during it. I think I can pull that off.

The first thing I noticed when I came out of surgery was the NG tube in my nose, throat and stomach. Having that thing was the worst part of my early recovery but in a way it was the best because it forced me to write all my communications since it hurt so much to talk and swallow. So now I have a real-time journal that’s like listening to a one-way phone conversation since I was the only one writing. There are two parts, divided by when the NG tube was removed noted in my writing by “DAY 3.” After Day 3 I decided to continue my journal even though it wasn’t a necessity so from that point on it’s more like a traditional journal. I’ve transcribed it as is without editing. I’m amazed how much I was writing before DAY 3 which was about a 24-hour period. Enjoy. more…

While in the hospital I spent a lot of time trying to sleep and thus a lot of time wearing my ear-covering headphones listening to music to try and block out all the noise. This is what I had with me. All new acquisitions and all well worth it. more…