Today I successfully completed my first chemotherapy session at home! And by successful I mean finished the pump without disconnecting it and not having any but normal side effects. I’m still not completely out of the woods yet as the 5-FU is still floating around my body but I’m hoping after a good night’s rest, I’ll be alright. I’m not really feeling so well right now. Not terrible but just feeling sick. Again, all of this is still unknown for me. I have no idea how I will be feeling tomorrow or in a few days. And I still carry around my nitroglycerin tablets just in case. Who knows what side effect will hit me and when.
So now I have two sessions down and ten to go. All I can do is take it one day at a time. Now there’s starting to be a blur between what I am feeling and whether the cause is mental, physical, or both. It’s really a struggle now but I’m staying positive. With all of the drama settling down, I’m beginning to focus on the fact that I have cancer and how shitty that is. At least as far as cancer goes and having all of the treatment to go through. In a way I feel like a lab rat. There’s always something new to shoot into me for various reasons. The newest are these two shots I get for raising my white blood cell and platelets counts. They are lowered by the chemotherapy but in order for my body to handle the chemo, these counts need to be up. Then, of course, those shots cause other side effects.
I’m finding that the day I start the chemo which is where I get everything but the kitchen sink is when I’m feeling my worst now. My complexion changes to a pasty white and my physical and mental states are just not good. I should be coming out of that now.
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