I had a nice cry today - two in fact. I awoke this morning thinking about my dog Corki who we lost shortly before our move to Poughkeepsie. When we’re yelling at out current 115lb. chocolate lab Hershey (usually for trying to get at people food) we’ll slip into old habits by yelling, “Corki!” (which may confuse him, though he’s probably already confused as to why we’re yelling at him), even though Corki was a 10lb. silky terrier.
We were in the sticks back then and there was plenty of space for Corki to run free, and we let him. Sometimes he would be gone for a couple of days - this time he never came back. We looked and waited, but nothing. I still feel guilty about it somehow like we could have looked more or realized something was wrong sooner and that maybe we just missed him and could have helped him. I was thinking of Corki this morning, somehow lying in the woods, unable to move or speak, but still able to hear the children playing in the backyard. And in hearing that sound, as he slipped away, being comforted in the knowledge that he was a much loved member of his family. So, that would make cry number three today.
Then I was very excited to watch a DVD we had gotten in the mail from NYICFF containing a wide range of shorts from their collection to watch with the kids. We haven’t missed a festival in four years and always enjoy it. Last year we had to choose to see a session that didn’t include Knuffle Bunny by Mo Willems which was disappointing since he is collectively one of our favorite authors and of course we had all read the book. So we were all pleasantly surprised to see that the animated version had made it onto our newest DVD. The story is about Mo’s daughter’s stuffed animal Knuffle Bunny being left at a laundry mat and in this version, Mo is reading the book to his daughter a couple of years after the incident.
Rather obviously, it hit a nerve. I had to excuse myself from the room so the kids wouldn’t see me breaking down. They know I’m sick and that it’s a big deal but they don’t really grasp the severity of it. In the same way you hide a trip to Disney World from the kids if you’re afraid plans may fall through, we don’t want to tell them I’m going to die if we don’t know it’s eminent; so, not a good idea for the kids to see me uncontrollably weeping.
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