This morning I arrived at Vassar Brothers Hospital at 6:15 to have my portacath surgically implanted. It’s a same day surgery which compared to my five-day-stay right hemi-colectomy sounded like a piece of cake. It wasn’t.
It really hurts. Basically the lack of major pain control is working against me. No epidural and no morphine like the last surgery. The location is also different - on the right side of my chest and right near the surface - which is making it difficult to near impossible to do anything with my right arm (really I’m finding it difficult moving at all). I’m in pain and I can’t do much about it - and being in pain makes you cranky.
What’s completely frustrating is that I’ve spent the last four and a half weeks slowly recovering from one surgery only to be hit with another. All the progress that I have made has been suspended. In a way. it’s like starting over. And this is not only a physical strain but a mental one as well. It scares me that spaces in the hospital are familiar to me now.
Not only am I frustrated, but I’m angry. Angry that I can’t make any long-term plans. Angry that I’m missing social outings because it would be physically uncomfortable. Angry that I have to live with pain. Angry that I can’t get back to a normal life yet. This anger will carry me through the next six months and help me take on chemotherapy head-on.
I won’t be able to see the portacath until Sunday when I’m allowed to remove the dressing - no showering until then either. There are stitches that need to be removed ten days from now but the chemo is still scheduled to start this Tuesday.
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Now I’m pissed off too. I was kinda anyway.
I hope it’s gotten easier to contend with. Sounds like it’s in an awful place. It can’t just drive you nuts for months can it?
Comment by Brian mcbrearty — 2008.09.06 @ 1:12 pm
Sounds awful - fear not re: dealing with it in coming months. Pain will diminish and should disappear in a few days, and you’ll be able to move arm, etc. Feel free to give me a call if needed.. just thinking re: pain meds - they didn’t give you anything? I hate that.
Comment by Cary — 2008.09.07 @ 8:27 am
That’s rotten. Really rotten. I never thought anything you’re dealing with is pleasant, but I didn’t realize the portacath procedure was that painful.
I shouldn’t have made that USB port comment…I meant it as a joke, but in light of what you’ve described here, it’s hardly funny.
Comment by Chris — 2008.09.12 @ 6:56 am
Thank you for all of your detailed posts on your blog about your portacath. We are making the difficult decision right now of determining what is best for my son, 13, and your experiences have helped him (and I) understand his options better. You details of “how it feels” is much better than anything we could find on the net. Thanks again!
Comment by Christine — 2010.02.23 @ 11:06 am