Colonoscopy: I had one, it was easy, what’s the big deal? It is a medical procedure performed by a doctor to determine if you have a disease. Period. Just like an alien abduction, I don’t remember it and afterwords couldn’t even feel that anything was done. I was thinking that I could understand the aversion better if we weren’t talking about full-grown, 40-plus-year-old adults, but rather children, as they may find it hard to separate a cancer that effects part of the digestive tract from “icky poo poo.” But for some reason, that elementary schoolyard mentality never goes away for most people and they just can’t get past it. There’s also something prudish about it. Is the anus so sacred that it cannot be desecrated by having something move into it instead of moved out of it? Shit no!
Upon further reflection, I realized that my six-year-old son is fascinated with butts and everything they can do. He would be laughing hysterically if he knew you could grab a camera, stick it up in there, and have a look around. For fear he may perform a copy-cat procedure of his own design, it may be a good idea to keep this concept from him. If he could, I’m sure he would like to be inside of it like something out of Fantastic Voyage, laughing all the while.
I’ll be getting these rather routinely for the rest of my life and after prepping only twice I’ve already picked up some good tips and knowledge. There are two parts to a colonoscopy: 1) the preparation 2) the procedure itself. The only mild inconvenience is part 1. This is where you have to clear out your digestive tract so your doctor has a clear view. You will need to fast for about 24-hours but not completely; you’re still allowed liquids, broths, jello, ices, etc. up until the midnight before. While fasting, a laxative is taken in combination with two liters of an oral suspension that tastes like salt water. The suspension will come with flavor packets to help mask the taste of all the sodium but don’t use them. I highly recommend using Crystal Lite instead! They should definitely do some cross-marketing. The suspension will also make you feel full so don’t worry about feeling hungry. Stay away from sodium phosphate preparations as they can damage your kidneys. Use PEG solutions instead. You will have loose bowel movements for a while. That’s about the worst of it.
The procedure itself was nothing. I was put under general anesthesia. The anesthesia was administered and the next thing I knew someone was asking me to wake up. That was it. Even though it only took about ten minutes after I woke up for the euphoric feeling from the anesthesia to wear off (darn!) someone will still need to be with you to drive you home. So why not plan to go out to a nice restaurant afterwords?
The overall chances of any complications are very, very, low. In fact, .35% according to the American Society for Gastrointestinal Endoscopy cited in the plain English article Colonoscopy Risks. The only real risks associated with the procedure are the standard ones associated with any anesthesia and there is a chance your doctor could accidentally puncture your colon.
And let’s not forget that the whole point of this is to save your life! Even if you feel any of this may be slightly inconvenient, imagine how inconvenient it must be to die.
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